We ended up not going to the fair. It was just way too hot. It will be something like 104 today and I am not looking forward to that. Yesterday there was a bit of drama around here and The Man basically rushed home to aid me. It blows me away how special he is and how good he is to me. I know I have several new readers who don’t know my past at all. I figured today I might touch on that a little.
Young and stupid is an understatement as to what I was at 20. Nieve is what I used to call it but looking back now I just prefer stupid. I met the kids father shortly after a break up. Warning flags all around yet I still chose him. I was the kid who when you asked what do you want to be when you grow up and I would say “a mommy”. I was a pushover when he brought up kids. Stupid is the fact that I believed him when he said he would marry me after we had the baby. Needless to say he left me for some 17 year old girl when I was 4 weeks along in the pregnancy, you know just after we got the positve.
There was a ton of drama after that. I like to call it the Jerry Springer years. We would have been perfect material for that show. Him bringing up the ghetto side. It was a rough pregnancy but I had my baby. I grew some balls and told him to go away. He eventually came back though a “changed man”. Sadly though men like him never change. I married him this time. It was a horrid quickie Reno thing. It didn’t last at all. It didn’t last but 3 months. I left 7 weeks pregnant and with a broken wrist and my 10 month old baby on my hip. Needless to say the 17 year old who was now 19 or so was pregnant by my best male friend was sneaking around seeing my Ex and well I dared to bring it up to him. More drama there as I pressed charges and he held all my belongings hostage. It was such a hard time.
I ended up having my baby boy. and for the next 10 years I played the single mom card. I had no trust in men. I didn’t want anyone near my kids who would look at them as their own. I needed someone who will put them even before me. I was so lucky to find that in The Man. He tells me all the time that Katie is his. That she is too much like him not to be. He claims Andrew as his too but honestly he and Katie share the same personality. They all love it especially Andrew when we are somewhere and they ask him if he wants his mommy or his daddy to come along. He is truley a blessing to us. Looking at the way we all function together it would be hard to know that he hasn’t always been a part of our family.
The ex hasn’t been a part of the kids lives. He chooses not to be. I have bent over backwards to let him see them but he runs from responsability with his tail between his legs. He hadn’t seen them in 8 years, and met Katie in January. He gave her empty promises and honestly couldn’t look at or touch her. Andrew he hasn’t seen at all in the last 8 years. Honestly there is no loss there. He concots stories about them and gives people his tales of woe. I get minimal child support and sometimes it just stops for months at a time.
My kids had fairy tale dreams of him standing up and being their dad. Those fairy tales are fading fast as The Man steps in and steps up to the plate. I feel l could stand up to anything the Ex tosses in my face as long as I have The Man by my side. I look back on those years with the ex and I can honestly say I was stupid then. I took whatever came my way and I thought I wasn’t good enough for anything else. I know now that I am worthy of a good relationship a lifelong one. I want to grow old with him. I want to raise my children with him at my side. He is what was missing in our lives for so long.
